Same old thing...but not.

I haven't been on here for such a long, long expansion of time it seems.. I have so much to do, I've done so much, and I still have more to do. Hmm. It all seems like complaining of a spoiled child, even to me, the one who says it. I've always wondered, when people say they are to busy to accept another burden, or another task are they just trying to get out of it? That sentence was not put well, but its hard to think well at the moment. Anyway, they say "oh, i would but I have this to do, and that, oh and this. Sorry." Or its, "I can't I'm helping so-and-so with this and then I have to do this." But I believe they could spare one little ounce of time to help in some way. I do everything possible, and I always help when someone needs it; even though I have so very much to do... And I am so very tired.

It makes me mildly ticked off at the people who have church and homework so they can't help because that would just be to much for them. I stay after school for two and a half hours every day of the week except Fridays because I choose to participate in sports, clubs, and teams. Yet, I still find the time to be active in my community, to work on the weekends, to tutor, and do my own homework. It's infuriating to watch the indolent people at my school sit on their arses all the time without lifting a finger to do something! Then I help anyone that asks for help. And I hate that I simply do not have all the time I need to help everyone. There aren't enough of me. It makes me feel like the lazy bums when I really cannot help to my standards because I have so much else.

I am not whining as a spoiled child. I am complaining about lazy people. I do everything because its my choice; I choose to do so much, to rarely sleep, and make sure I have a project to do every waking minute. I know that it is no one's fault but my own that I am stretched so thin; however, I do wish others would just stretch an inch, hell, a centimeter more. I'm starting to despise laziness as much as idiocy.

Ha, I have totally lost the reason I was going to write a post. I was reminded by this laziness because I'd just finished writing the report for my group (by myself) and I was mildly ticked. Oh well. Onward to writing in this precious respite of mine.

(This photo has no purpose at all, but look at my bird! She is the most beautiful bird known to me:)

I wanted to write about thoughts. I wanted to convey feelings. Alas, that is still rather impossible to do for me. The only feelings I feel well are primal. The feelings humans as a species have carried since our mind was evolved. I feel anger, fear, joy, sadness, desire, surprise, and disgust. They are easy because they're programmed for survival and continuation.Secondary emotions, the feelings that are caused by primary emotions, are very tricky for me. I think too much. I question too much to ever fully delve into those scary little emotions like love, sympathy, envy, depression, or nervousness. I do, however, have some secondary emotions down. I am very often exasperated. I am always prideful of my work and projects, and myself. And of course sometimes lusty, I'm a normal teenager physically.

Anyway, moral of my babbling story is that I wished to express some sort of emotion. Besides anger. I write anger incredibly well, I know this. I try to write poems, and everyone compliments them, only few are ever able to look at them at tell me quite frankly that they suck. If they held some sort of emotion I could be one of the best poets, but that is what I lack most. My word play is amazing, I am very verbal anyway so its no problem, but I lack those silly little emotions and it seems as if all my poems are; are masks. Beautiful, bright masks, gilded with tangible words and dabbed with glittering cubic zirconium feelings. Always close, but in the end, nothing more than cheap knockoffs.

So to conclude this story I will include a little masked poem for you to judge for yourself.

Revenge tends to be a bitch, doesn't it?

You completely deserve what you're going to get

I tried to help you, but you're a lost cause

You cannot be fixed, you have too many flaws

So go ahead, grab the bottle, see if I care

And when you drive yourself home, I won't be there

I'm not sitting by and watching you kill yourself

You can't comprehend what I'm trying to yell

I'm sick of the bullshit and tired of lies

And being the only one who tries

I'm the only one who has ever given a shit about you

Take another sip, you're the one who's screwed

Here's your keys, driving home should be a blast

I'm not going to stop you from driving to fast

Or when you pass that stop sign and barely miss a truck

Don't you dare come crying to me to give a fuck

What are those blue lights that are beginning to follow?

The cops are after you, but you won't slow

You won't get so lucky tonight

Maybe it'll help you see that you're wrong and I'm right

I bet you won't even see that big tree

Your last thought will be regret-you should've listened to me

Revenge tends to be a bitch, doesn't it?

I wish you didn't deserve what you are going to get

I wrote this after I got fed up with a friend who was an alcoholic. He's gotten help now though. An angry poem full of feeling. How I wish I could write like this with the simple little poems also. Maybe someday.