White is the Color of Regret

It was taunting me. That white. It was glaring at me, screaming at me. Young, so very young. I don’t feel young at the moment, but I know that later on it will be so. I changed out of white and reached for black, but I stopped, and grabbed red instead. I wasn’t mourning, I was in pain.


Not the physical pain, that was nothing compared to what was going on in my head. At first it was the creeping, worming sort of regret. Now, it was agony; agony for the future hurt I will cause to myself and to the one close to me.


I’m a fool. I’m an idiot. I am still just a child.


I didn’t think that what could cause such pleasure would cause such guilt. Regret for giving so much, and so quickly, to someone who won’t matter years from now.


It was hot. The air conditioner was broken upstairs. I could see the guitars and electric piano in the corner. The carpet was itchy like insulation against my bare skin. What was I thinking? I don’t remember. What was I doing? I don’t remember that either. But I do remember liking it, but loathing it underneath everything else.


I remember being able to see a bit of sky out the window behind me. So blue. So dark. There was a white bird flying in the blue. I watched it until I couldn’t see it anymore, but still I watched it. I watched the bird fly past the roof tops of houses, over trees and towards the sea. There was a red spot on its chest. Was it just a red marking of beauty or a stain of blood?


Why does it continue to occupy my thoughts and haunt my dreams more than any other part of this?

Straight to Hell

They tell me I need religion. God will fix me. I'll go to confession. drink some wine, eat some bread, get dunked in water, and it'll all be good. Make my donations to the churh and secure a spot in the all-coveted utopia. 'Kay then... But uh, I think you have me confused with someone who cares...? See, having a little therapy, drinking alcohol, and eating etc. doesn't sound too bad; however, I think I'll pass. I don't exactly want to fix what they call my "sins." I'm a little prideful, but that's a given. Yeah, I'm a tad lusty, but what teenager isn't? I'm greedy, sure, but let's examine the rest of America shall we?



Let's travel that dark, dark road into the horrors and sins of society. It's not hard to choose right from wrong; its just that, well there are so many versions of good and evil. Gandhi VS PRS, Love VS Hate, Politicians VS People, Sex VS Celibacy, Drugs VS Pain, Palin VS Obama etc. I could go on and on. But I'm sure I've offended just enough people already to make things interesting. Religion is an escape for us that need hope like a fat kid needs calories, and Lois Lane needs Superman. Humans can't survive without hope. Hope, love, ambition, and opposable thumbs separate us from the animals we once were.


How can life be fulfilling if we don't live it how we want? Rules and principles are definitely needed; like religion. Religion is needed to keep people from feeling as alone as we all are, from getting depressed, and from over-throwing a government because it does not share the same values as the people. We all need something to believe in. So please, believe in it. Make your world brighter, let it make every day feel meaningful. But please. Please, please, please with a cherry on top---don't tell me what i need or should want. Don't transfer your own fears on me. If I go to a hell or a heaven it will all be on my shoulders. You need not worry for my soul. It's mine. Worry about yours.